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I’m excited to share with you about the special weekend event, Truth4TCKs 2021, that I’m speaking at! Truth4TCKs 2021 is a virtual conference for teenage and young adult Christian TCKs, whether they be Missionary Kids, Military Kids, Expat Kids, Business Kids, Diplomat Kids, etc. The conference mission strives to bring biblical truth and encouragement regarding the cross-cultural and highly mobile life to TCKs. The conference’s administrative team is made up of teenagers and young adults serving teenagers and young adults. It is not an organization; rather, an organic movement. The theme for this year’s conference is finding what it means to be a global citizen of Heaven. 

The title of my sessions is “Belonging Beyond Borders.”

To me the word “borders” are the “bounded” spaces of nation-state boundaries that are politically created, moved, (re)imagined, and (re)mapped. There are over 190 borders on the earth; in other words, over 190 countries. I’m hyper aware of borders and boundaries because of my multiple experiences between them, over them, around them, and through them. As an Adult Third Culture Kid (a Third Culture Kid grown up), I have lived in ten countries and five U.S. states. I’ve crossed many borders in my 30+ years not just for moving, but also because of my love for traveling. It’s a personal goal to visit more countries than my age – I’m just a couple countries behind.

Growing up as a diplomat dependent TCK, every two to three years we would move to a different country. This is why being a Third Culture Kid is a significant part of my identity shaping and even has informed the professional path(s) I’ve chosen to pursue.

For me, the concept of “belonging” to people and to place has shifted and changed over the years. As I think about all the places and communities and people groups to whom I’ve belonged, different faces and objects and environments come to mind. I recall that when I lived in Seoul, South Korea one of the communities I belonged to was the Girl Scouts of America (on the Yongsan military base). I belonged to the US military base housing community located to the left of the main gate entrance, which was distinct from the housing community to the right of the gate because that was “North Korea” in my seven-year-old mind. When in Germany, I belonged to two different international schools; for our first year in the country: Bonn International School and for the following two years: Frankfurt International School. In terms of belongings, living in U.S. government owned houses, the furniture never belonged to us; it was always a surprise to see what kind of chairs and tables and sofas we would have upon arrival in a new country. My personal belongings fit into a handful of boxes, which have multiplied over the years and my Dad sometimes comments: “What’s in those?” as I store some of them in their basement. “My childhood belongings,” I reply. I like my belongings. (Thanks for the storage area, Mom and Dad).

Belonging to friends, community, places, professions, and possessions continue to be a journey for me as an Adult Third Culture Kid. And as I work with the next generation of Third Culture Kids as a friend, mentor, advocate, and educator, I want to share some principles of belonging that root deeper and longer than times spent in a certain man-made border.

Professionally speaking, I belong in and to multiple spaces. You’ll see my face across sectors. You’ll see me call myself a TCK Mentor/Advocate, an Intercultural Communication Trainer/Consultant, and English Language Instructor. I’ve got the pieces of papers and letters behind my name that showcase how much time and effort I’ve invested to hold those professional identity titles and roles. I’ll continue to be the chameleon professional showing up at NAFSA: the largest international educator conference and community, showing up at Families in Global Transition (FIGT), showing up at the Society for Intercultural Training, Education, and Research (SIETAR). The thread of commonality is that I do have the personal and professional expertise to adapt myself and my materials and resources to different audiences.

Not too long ago one of my mentors, Dr. Ruth Van Reken, gave me a self-reflection task to help me identify my next right career pivot. She told me to list out everything I am (from personality qualities to strengths and from skills to knowledge/topic expert) and list out everything I am not (from qualities I don’t have — or at least the ones that make me feel exhausted trying to “be ” and other “expert” claims/roles). This was a helpful exercise in revealing “what lane I’m in” and where are potential paths I can take in my career trajectory. This exercise reminded me of the French saying, “Quand on connait sa maladie, on est a mortie gueri” roughly translated: “When you know your sickness, you are halfway cured.” In building my awareness for who I am and who I’m not, provided more clarity and direction about what will suit me both professionally and personally. It also reminded me of my gifts and talents and how I can both invest and cultivate them in different ways.

As an Adult Third Culture Kid, I still wrestle with where and to whom I belong. Sometimes I feel pulled and pushed in different communities; sometimes denied and invited; sometimes spread thin and isolated. I feel like I’m a walking contradiction with all of my paradox belongings and expressions of identity in and through them. In some spaces, communities, and places I am brave; others: quiet. In some believer, in others: doubter. Life for all of us is full of paradoxes. And that’s ok. We are intersectional beings to communities, places, and cultures and we can shift our minds to view these as “productive tensions” instead of pesky paradoxes. 

We can be change and continuity. We can be dislodged and rooted. We can be global and local. That’s the power of “and.”

What’s true is that you are a human with multiple identities, roles, and places of belonging. You are a unique human being that offers talent, a listening ear, curiosity, adventure, poise, and love to others. Perhaps you have had a global or cross-cultural upbringing, meaning you may identify as a Third Culture Kid (TCK). Sometimes being a TCK has “carried” you through your circles of belonging to people and to place. But know that you are so much more than “just” a TCK. Don’t let being a TCK be your “issue” or decision or excuse in why you can or can’t belong to people or to a place.

My personal identity and belonging concepts are complex, nuanced, and ever-changing. One steadfast identity marker and belonging root I cultivate is my Christian-faith and personal journey as a Christ-follower. Throughout my life I have been a part of various Christian faith-communities and denominations; a member of various places of worship and practitioner of different faith traditions. It never ceases to amaze me how there are so many different expressions of worship, prayer, sermons, scriptures, and services across “borders.” I grew up and came of age in Christian faith communities that primarily taught me to pray specifically; that way you know it was God who answered it. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the energy and manifestation of it. I believe in answered prayer, because I have witnessed it.

As I continue to grow spiritually in my Christian faith journey, my prayer practices and patterns change in different seasons of life. I often say quiet prayers throughout the day; sometimes as a meditation, sometimes as a “Hey, God: that was pretty cool what you just did there. Thanks.” Sometimes as short mantras. Sometimes prayer is experienced as ethereal and otherworldly soul flutters. Sometimes my prayers are Bible verses. Sometimes my prayers are offered with others’ words. Sometimes prayer happens in community in call-and-response style liturgy. Sometimes my prayers are whispers under my breath, sometimes spoken aloud in the car, sometimes in the wee hours of the night in my bed, and sometimes when I’m doing yoga in the morning. Sometimes they are wordless prayers as I believe what Mahatma Gandhi said: “It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without heart.” These are prayers of blessing and of declaration; of gratitude and of pleas. These prayers are for you, for me, for the world.

I am compelled to share this because it’s my desire that you know that I have prayed for this event, for the organizers, for the speakers, and for the participants. My prayer is that it is a gathering for you to be encouraged, for you to be affirmed, for you to learn and to be challenged in your own faith journey. As this event explores and unpacks the truths about Christian belonging, may we all settle into some space and silence to prepare our souls, minds, and bodies for the words shared by both speakers and participants.

Have grace for yourself and for others as we listen, receive, learn, and share what it means to belong beyond borders. I’m so grateful for the courage and willingness and grace we will have for ourselves and for each other at this event.

Dates for Truth4TCKs 2021

The virtual conference takes place on May 22 and 23, 2021

Cost of Truth4TCKs 2021

$10 per person.

$17 for the recorded sessions.

Registration for Truth4TCKs 2021

https://truth4tcks.org/register/

5 Ways to Increase Your Self-Awareness about Community and the “Other”

2021 continues to produce collective grief, change, and ambiguity. In an effort to draw our attention to what we can control and to provide hope for courageous leaders to step into roles for responding well, the following are five ways to practice intentional self-reflection to bring about more love and more understanding to ourselves first and also to our neighbors. 

Look

Look at your own identity in new and relevant ways. In what areas can you exercise your own power and privilege to be an advocate and change-agent for what you would like to see changed in your community? Perhaps it’s your age, ability, education, or employment that provides you with opportunities to create change. But it first begins with looking closely at your own agency and knowing how to use it to affect change. Unlearn your typical ways of “seeing” people and assuming their ability/inability just off of that sole identity marker. Learn to approach self and others with a sense of curiosity for their entire identity.

Listen

Listen to more stories of your community members. This requires seeking out diversified voices, news outlets, social media channels and personalities, and community leaders. What are the stories not making headlines? What are the stories not even making the news? Committing to listening to stories and the feelings embedded in them can cultivate increased empathy skills which will result in greater tolerance, understanding, and solidarity.

Learn

Learn about your biases. Biases are automatic judgments our brain makes about people, situations, and experiences. To learn about them is to recognize the judgements you associate with a person or a situation. This can be how stereotypes are formed and readily accepted if they align with your judgements. Because it’s humanly impossible to eliminate biases from our brains, it’s important to slow down and think through the why of our judgments and assumptions.

Lean in

Lean into where you can enact change. Where are the intersections of where you have felt ‘othered’, ‘marginalized,’ and misunderstood? This can be a starting point for you to understand how to engage in dialogue and perspective-taking when learning about power and privilege. Leaning into discomfort of difficult conversations with self and with others takes courage.

Let go

Let go of complacency. There can be complacency in thoughts, actions, assumptions, and accepting routine. To challenge yourself to learn about more perspectives is to let go of one-sided stories, stereotypes, and siloed opinions. It will unearth biases and replace them with holding multiple truths.

Unlearning to learn is an act of courage and of love. Loving self and others requires looking, listening, learning, leaning into, and letting go of assumptions and judgements.

Three weeks ago, I graduated from the School of International Service at American University. At the commencement ceremony, I had the honor of being one of the flag bearers on stage. Out of the options to carry the US flag, the DC flag, the AU flag, the SIS flag, or the alumni flag, I chose to carry the DC flag because that is where I am “local”: https://www.ted.com/…/taiye_selasi_don_t_ask_where_i_m….

As an ATCK, I have always identified where I am local. Not where I am “from.” I was given the flag bearer opportunity because I was the Master candidate finalist to give the commencement speech. I first received the invitation from SIS to apply to be a commencement speaker when I was about to leave for Amsterdam in March. I was so busy with the conference I was attending and with travelling that I decided not to follow up with the offer. But then I got a personalized email that I had been selected to be a commencement speaker finalist so there I was on the train from Leiden to Utrecht, and then Utrecht to Rotterdam, and then from Rotterdam to The Hague writing and rewriting my commencement speech….I have a photo of doing that somewhere….because I found it so random.

Ultimately, SIS decided to only have one student commencement speaker (the undergraduate speaker) because we are the largest school at AU and there wasn’t enough time to have 2 student speakers. (Every other school at AU had two student commencement speakers).A few days ago, the official AU photography team emailed a photo of me carrying the DC flag. I look proud to be local here. But I have a feeling I’m not going to be local here for much longer….

Per the request of many who were curious about my speech, here it is:

School of International Service
American University
Commencement Speech 2016
Megan Norton; MA International Communication Candidate

Good evening President Kerwin, deans, members of the faculty, proud parents and families, and above all: graduates.

I have spent my life packing and unpacking boxes. I have lived in nine countries and five U.S. States. I have moved over 25 times. So you can imagine the boxes I’ve accumulated along the way; boxes from South Africa, Germany, Japan, Israel, Greece, Hungary….a lot of places. When I moved to DC, it was the first time that I had all of these boxes in one space and I started unpacking. I saw all the things I had identified with or that identified me. I was looking at not only tangible objects but also intangible ones. I was unpacking the values and beliefs and thought patterns that had shaped my worldview. In doing this I had feelings of displacement and I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. I felt the urge to pack up my boxes and to move again. Moving would be easier to do than confront the accompanying unease of trying to figure out what my identity was and who I wanted to become.

But I stayed. And I observed. And I learned that I wasn’t the only one unpacking my identity in the School of International Service. My classmates and I were reorganizing our ways of knowing and of being. We were recognizing our assumptions of not only each other but also of the world we operate in. I remember a moment in one of my classes when I shared that I was one of the students in the first integrated schools in post-apartheid South Africa. This ignited conversations immediately about race, power, and privilege. It was in moments like this that I saw my in between identity manifested in concrete new ways of belonging.

I became part of this multi-cultural community bound together by the shared commitment to accept that identity is fluid and complex. And I learned that SIS celebrates the power of seeing beyond identity boxes that so often imperfectly define us.

SIS integrates this message into its orientation toward service. As a form of service here at AU, I volunteered to be an intercultural dialogue facilitator. In facilitating cross-cultural communication between groups of both undergraduate and graduate students, I experienced the complexity of culture in new ways. One dialogue session stands out vividly. I had just landed at DCA from visiting family in another State and was headed to AU when I received a text message from a participant that said: “Can we talk about what just happened on campus?” What just happened on campus, I thought? And should I be going there? She was referring to Anti-Muslim fliers had been put around campus, but immediately reported and taken down. In our intergroup dialogue, we discussed how religion and faith are integral parts of our identity and we must be aware that sometimes people are forced to box it up and keep it hidden. I realized that I had never had to hide my faith for fear of physical safety. In our session we made space for stillness and for reflection. We were vulnerable and authentic with one another. In that moment we chose to understand rather than to simplify; and to acknowledge our agency to foster respect and tolerance.

When President Obama visited our campus last year, he spoke to this as well. He said: “Being an American is not a matter of blood or birth. It’s a matter of faith, of shared fidelity to the ideas and values that we hold so dear. That’s what makes us unique. That’s what makes us strong. Anybody can help us write the next great chapter in our history.”

President Obama’s reference to “anybody can help us” resonates with us graduates as we see the invisible boundaries that usually divide our world and have been trained to lean into the discomfort of stretching our comfort zones to understand how the interplay of culture, politics, race, and gender frame our behavior.

As SIS graduates, we are committed to celebrate cultural complexities and we are equipped to engage global challenges in our professional careers and future scholarship.

For all of us here today, we need to remember that as we move in and out and between social groups, we are making a difference in the world. It is our decision as to whether we are building boxes of fear and resistance or breaking down boxes with generosity and empathy.

Class of 2016: this is our commencement, our beginning. The beginning of new interactions, collaborations and intersectionalities of what constitutes shared identity. Perhaps you’re about to pack up your own boxes to move out of DC. Remember to take our culture of service, tolerance, and curiosity to navigate this increasingly interdependent world.